::::p r e s e n t s::::
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to say "yes" to her husband in the bedroom again.
BOTTLE: A device which allows Daddy to get up at 3 am to do the feeding.
DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de kids play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The science of scheduling dance lessons, music lessons, soccer practice, recitals, parties, doctor visits, PTA meetings, visits to friends, and 45 other things and making time to drive to all of them.
FEEDBACK: What you get when when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained spinach.
FULL NAME: What you call a child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT: What it's too late for a child to do by the time you yell it.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOWOFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM: The distance required between supermarket shelves so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
VERBAL: Able to whine in complete words and repeat what they shouldn't.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "Get a mop."
[This Webpage was created for your viewing pleasure by Kenny Mitchell ®2003 UPLIFTERLAND Productions]
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