•••things I MUST remember as a DOG!!!...

---> The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


--->I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.


--->I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.


---> I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.


---> I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.


---> I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.


---> I will not throw up in the car.


---> I will not roll on dead rabbits, pheasants, turtles etc., just because I like the way they smell.


---> "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.


---> The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.


--->I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.


---> I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.


---> When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.


---> We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.


---> I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.


---> The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps.


---> My head does not belong in the refrigerator.


---> I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.


--->I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.


---> I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom and then have a string hanging out of my butt.


---> I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.


---> I will release gas in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.


--->I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.


---> The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.


--> Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.


--> The cat is not a squeaky toy. When I play with him and he makes that noise, it's not a good thing.




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