Product Labels

On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But it's "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could= just get those 5-year olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning:
Contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company; I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)