When I stumbled into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I sort of wanted to, and was told to solve my downward spiraling situation. My stumbling in was a response to the expectations (aka. demands) of others. Well, I thought I would keep them at bay, off my back, and maybe see if I could learn something or manage those unreasonable expectations. So, I went off to a meeting every week ..... imagine, every single solitary week ! Folks shared their tragic tales, and I realized that I was not unique. But, those people were so much worse than me. I really didn't have that big of a problem. I just needed to cut back a bit, and control my drinking ..... the best of all worlds ..... drink while controlling my drinking and the problem disappears. And then, move on. Seemed simple to me. I had NO Idea that "Alcohol was only A Symptom."

  After many half-hearted attempts to find some relevance in the AA fellowship, I gave up. I failed to see the point in listening to disasters, disappointments, and despair, as if that was the solution to my drinking. Yes, I did identify with some of that stupid stuff, but I could hear it as well in the barrooms and the ball games, and even the coffee break room. Or, I could play "what if" in my dark closet drinking, where the conclusion always made simple sense and solved and pleased.

  Then, I went to an AA step meeting based on the Big Book. What the heck is the Big Book? Shortly after I walked into the room. I was recognized as a new guy .....Oh Great ! This guy George spied me and waved at me to come across the room to his table .... oh boy, these people have radar ! Next thing you know, I have a Big Book in my hand, like it or not. whatever it was. Then, George explained to me what the meeting was all about. I dutifully and respectfully nodded with thanks, and then I slithered off to a distant table as far from George, the chair table, and any other crazy person who seemed to be the next "I want to help you" type. I was now some what comfortable, being less than ten feet from the door. Still seemingly in control ..... sort of.

  I was disappointed that I had not yet been cured (cured of what?) and had not seen the possibility of a cure soon to happen after quite a few months of these Big Book Step meetings, so I decided to take the quick treatment for my problem and pick up the solution. My subtle escape was not so subtle and not beyond the reach of the people I met at the Big Book Step meetings. George and other nosy bodies noticed that I was not there after regular attendance ..... can you imagine? I wondered if they noticed my shoes were scuffed !

  Well, I had a number of these excursions, and I had an equal number of quick comebacks, because my friends in the fellowship cared that I was not there, and called to see if I was OK and see what they could do to help. I guess they knew that it wasn't so easy for me, that I really wanted to come back, and that maybe, just maybe, I was getting it.

  You know, I WAS getting it. The Big Book told me that my problem was a "Seemingly Hopeless State of Mind and Body." Alcohol was only the symptom. Once I made the important decision in Step Three, and moved on to Steps Four and Five at once, I began to find out what the real problem was, and started taking the necessary action, acknowledging my need for direction from my Higher Power.

  Wait a minute ! Higher Power ..... new jargon ..... how did that happen? I was a churchgoer, dedicated deacon, running this and that, puffed chest, and had to make a decision about my Higher Power? No problem ..... well I discovered that it was a problem ! I had no real or honest conscious contact, and my prowess as a churchgoer had nothing to do with it. How did I come to that conclusion? Well, when I had to address my defects of character, and had to recognize my weakness of will. where was I to go to make that connection? Well, I already made a decision in Step Three ..... was I serious? Could I do it? Do what? It was only a decision to embrace the program.

  Yes, I was now at Steps Six and Seven and had nothing to do but reflect on what I just learned, and just said, and just understood, and just embraced, and ask my Higher Power to do for me what I could not do for myself, and help me do what I can do for myself, and address and get rid of my defects of character. Now, I already had my Step Eight amends list in my Step Four inventory and needed to complete that in Step Nine, and that demands deliberate action which can be overnight or over years. Well, George suggested (here's George again !) that I was already in a position of sustainable recovery, which meant that I could AND should begin implementing Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve, every day.

  So, believing and accepting that, I need to live "STEPS TEN, ELEVEN AND TWELVE" every day for the rest of my life, "ONE DAY AT A TIME." Wow ! Doesn't that make sense? I know many wonderful people that never heard of this twelve step program, but I know they live ten, eleven and twelve every day of their lives, seemingly unknowingly, but dutifully and faithfully because of ..... I don't know ! Perhaps because that is the way God intended them to be, and they recognized it. Maybe, just maybe. I do know that I am on my way to being what I was supposed to be because of the twelve step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah ! ..... And to think I blamed The Problem On Alcohol !

  Every time George shared his arduous journey and his discovery of the solution, he always reiterated the real problem. "The Problem Is George."

  The reason that I am on the right track, that I know "The Solution is in the Big Book," that I know that I need to keep coming but must take the necessary action, that I see and accept "Progress Not Perfection" every day of my life, one day at a time, is because I DO Know that "There Is A Solution."

  But, I first needed to know "What The Problem Was." George's problem was ..... George !

        MY PROBLEM IS ..... BILL !

Bill B., Bethlehem Big Book Step Meeting (2015)

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