The Goppie Zine
Volume 1, Article 4
The Goppie Zine
Volume 1, Article 4
All right, the hysterical giggles and maniacal laughter may cease; I know perfectly well there are no such things as Rules that can possibly apply to cats. These are "Rules" my cats have devised for themselves, which I am only passing on for the sake of fellow belabored cat-feeders.
Dry vs. canned: Dry is easy.
Anyone who has a cat, singular, and certainly anyone who has cats, plural, knows the basic rules of dry kibble:
1. If it's cheap and colorful, it probably isn't good for them.
2. If it's plain brown and very expensive, it probably is.
Canned is hard.
Cats like what isn't good for them and they like what is very expensive. I go with the expensive Premium kind; it's cheaper than extra visits to the vet in the long run. So there shouldn't be a great deal of quandry over buying their dry kibble. Shouldn't be, but there is.
With one cat, you pretty much have it made. You make the choice, put it in the bowl, and then the cat makes a choice. She can either eat it or not eat it. Simple.
But with more than one cat, you are what is referred to as a multi-cat household. For a few years. everything may run smoothly while everybody eats - or doesn't eat - the same thing. Then they get older. Somehow, I'm not sure why, cats who get older always have "different needs". Do you think for one minute that the older cats in the same multi-cat house are going to have the same "different needs"? Ha.
You may have one lard-bucket who needs Senior or Low-cal, one picky eater who's all fur and bones and needs Regular or High-Protein, and one little bitty who needs tiny kibble she can get in her tiny mouth but is way too old for Kitten kibble. All in the same house. I do.
At that point, there is no easy way to deal with it. I have 3 cats eating 3 different things in 3 different rooms, and 2 of them have to be fed on high tables so the third, the lard bucket, who can't jump higher than her ears any more, can't scarf theirs down instead of her own Low-cal.
So the feline-devised rules in effect here are "I'll eat yours if I can get at it but if I can't, I'll eat mine." See? Dry is easy.
As far as any "rules" pertaining to canned food choices go, all bets are off. My cats have devised a scale of 1 to 10 which you may find enlightening, if not particularly helpful. They will accept or reject, love, tolerate or hate the canned food I offer them in direct proportion to how hard it was for me to obtain it and how much of it I bought. Cost rarely enters into it here, because the only real requirement for good canned cat food is that it cost more per ounce than prime rib.
So the following will be random examples of the scale of 1 to 10, which I suspect all cats are aware of and practice daily. Being aware of their scale might help. However, given the perversity of cats, it might also work in reverse. Who knows?
If I've traveled a 110 miles round trip from the boonies to civilization to get them premium food, giving up my only day off all week to do so, on a scale of 1 to 10 whatever I bring home is a 1.
If I've driven 17 miles in pouring rain to the nearest vet's office who carries premium food they like, only to arrive an hour before the bi-weekly delivery truck when they have 2 cans of chicken-flavored left at $1.00 a can, it's a 2.
If I've braved icy city streets in heavy sleet, using my lunch hour to get to a pet supply store and got the last few cans of their current favorite before spinning out in the parking lot, it's a 3.
If I got lost in a major city I was visiting trying to locate the PetsMart because they'd be out of food when I went home, and it was dark before I found my motel again, it's a 4.
If I find a case of their food I stored last year and forgot I had, but the expiration date on the cans is undecipherable and I'm half afraid to give it to them, it's a 5.
If I made out like a bandit at a cat show and got free cases of a premium brand they like, it could be a 6. But it's probably going to be a 2.
If I stocked up on a sunny day at a pet store right across the street from my grocery store, their current favorite was on sale and I had correct change, it might be a 7. But it's probably going to be a 1.
If I get 20 cans of their number 1 favorite and only 2 cans of their number 2 favorite, number 2 becomes number 1 immediately and number 1 becomes garbage.
So you see that the high end of the scale is not much used. But let's address it anyway.
How to get a 10:
If I buy one tiny can of a flavor I'm pretty unsure of, just for variety, they love it and that's the only kind they want henceforth. So as long as I bought it 55 miles away, it's a 10.
If I get a small free sample in the mail of a new cat treat, and it's actually healthy but cannot be purchased within 400 miles, it's a 10.
Even living in the city now, if I went to 9 stores over a 3 day period trying to find the presently favored treat (canned, smelly, 1 tablespoon allowed) and finally did and bought every can on the shelf, that's down to a 1. But if I was unsuccessful and substituted a new, untried brand, just one teeny can, and don't remember which store I found it in, it's an immediate 10.
Otherwise, the only true 10's around here are the first sardine out of the tin (no leftovers qualify) or freshly minced raw steak, served bleeding. And those are just for one cat, the all-fur-and-bones one. The other two don't have any 10's.
In closing (now that I realize the futility of this subject): There is only one hard and fast rule that I know of:
If a particular brand, type thereof, or flavor thereof is discontinued by the manufacturer, that's the only thing your cat wants to eat now and for the rest of her life.
The whole discussion here just goes to show that:
1. Cats make the rules.
2. They don't tell you what they are.
Thanks for reading.
copyright © 2000 by s. goodman
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