Phurry Feline How-to

How to Complain to the Waiter

by Phelicity

In Spring a young cats's thoughts turn to....... probably food, like any other time. But I kinda doubt all of us are enamored with the food we get to eat, especially restricted diets of any kind. Even those could be improved. If you're lucky enough to get food you love, remember that we cats are supposed to be finicky, and we should stay in practice. I am a world-class expert at registering disapproval of my dinner, but I wasn't always. I had to get furry good at complaining. Here are some methods for doing that, that might get you something better to eat.

1. The Tail Fall

When I like my dinner, I start with my tail high in the air cause I'm happy. But if I know by the look or smell of it that I don't want it, I do a tail fall. Plunk, 180 degrees straight to the floor. This, of course, is followed by walking away from the food with a hurt look. Our meowmies know what a tail fall means. It's a good complaint and makes them feel guilty, too.

2. The Walk-me-back

Sometimes my mom puts my food down and walks away, thinking I'm going to accept it. Wrong. In that case, you have to go get them and be furry insistent that they follow you back to the food dish and watch you not eat it. Or else how will they know they need to get you something better?



3. The Let's-bury-it

We probably all know this one, because I think it comes naturally. If that dinner smells too nasty to eat, make digging motions with your paws on the floor next to it, as if you wanted to bury it in the litter box. It's impossible to mistake what we mean, but I recently got a hint from a friend to make it even better. After the "burying", walk away and shake your hind feet, just as if you were leaving the box. Furry good!

4. The Cupboard Bonk

This can be tricky if you're not allowed on kitchen counters, but if you get desperate enough to try it, that doesn't matter. What you do is sit there and paw at the door of the cupboard where you know the cat food is, making it go Bonk! Bonk! until you get your point across. I've always bonked little doors on living room tables, so I thought this one up all by myself. I do it a lot. (It's also great in case your humans don't think it's time to feed you, but it is.)

5. The Dish Flip

I've never been able to do this one myself, but I've seen it done, and it's furry impressive! You need to push the edge of the dish down with your paw, hard and fast, so it flips upside down with the food on the floor. That one is sure to get some action, maybe a new dish of better food. On the other paw, you might have a human just scoop it up and plop it back into your dish, so it's a little risky.

6. The Stare

This is good cause it has lots of variations. You can sit in the doorway and stare at your meowmie as if your heart is breaking and you're starving to death. That takes nerve. You can sit and simply stare at the dish of unacceptable food as if it's a foreign object you never saw before, and not move. That takes patience. So my favorite Stare is when I know my mom can see me sit by the sink staring up at the dish drainer or the stove, like I'm getting up courage to jump up there looking for something to eat. It makes her nervous, so it usually gets results.



Which method would mew guess I am about to do here?

Do these methods work? Well, sometimes yes and sometimes no. But it nefur hurts to try!