|
Tornado Alley
(or) Let there be Forethought.... and there was. I'd rather live in the Valley of Tears, yea, the original Valley, Than the place I find myself living in, referred to in geography books as Tornado Alley. It leaves the fragile state of my sanity hovering on the border To consider how I might divest my house in ten seconds flat of my cats, my treasures and myself, in that order. I threw out all the childrens' gifts of years gone by, both construction papered and pla-doughed In case I get tornadoughed. I keep myself wide awake, well barometered, very well batteried and extremely well radiod In case I get tornadiod. I sent all my original poetry to an out-of-state relative for safe keeping, neatly indexed and crated In case I get tornated. I keep an inventory of everything I own, stored off the premises, and my homeowners insurance is paid up In case I get tornaidup. I keep my coat and boots by the door, and my purse and money and cigarettes and only diamond ring handily kitchen-tabled In case I get tornabled. My car is parked six feet from the front door, making my escape well defined, shortened and tapered In case I get tornapered. I take vitamens and keep healthy and physically fit, so that in an emergency I won't have just fainted In case I get tornainted. I arranged for a place to stay and a couch to sleep on in the event of sudden homelessness, though counting cats there would be eight of us In case I get torneightofus. I watch the sky and the barometric pressure and post evacuation plans on the refigerator door, neat and well drafted, In case I get tornafted. I give the TV weatherman attention and respect that is not his due, even when I know he prevaricated, In case I get tornaricated. I harken to every whistle and warning siren I imagine I hear, so that of listeners I won't be the latest In case I get tornatest. No alerts do I ever ignore, nor are any instructions for survival in inclement weather by me wasted, In case I get tornasted. And when the Spring storms create nothing more severe than a power failure that lasts for seventeen hours, I'm elated That I didn't get tornated. And when the gale force winds blow down my tree, two gates and the west end of the chicken coop, I'm gratified That I didn't get tornatified. And lately I've been very well behaved, uncharacteristically kind to small children, and have prayed a lot That I wouldn't get tornayedalot. But if, in spite of all my forethought, I disappear from the face of the earth one day because I blew away, you'll know this was my last great ode, And that I got torneatode.  |
